Since the start of the pandemic, I have enjoyed sheltering in place and working from home full-time. For the first time, I like many others experienced a true work-life balance. I loved not having a commute for work. I was ecstatic about not having to endure the mental and physical preparation of going into the office. At home, I could do my work without hearing idle gossip and mostly negative chat from others. Virtual meetings were better because people tended to get to the point and stay on track compared to in-person meetings. I hate the harsh office lighting and could light my home and work in a softer light.
I’m just going to come right out and state it: I enjoy wearing a mask. There, I said it. I enjoy wearing the mask. I don’t have to worry about make-up. Nor do I have to worry about my so-called resting bitch face. I don’t have to hear people ask what’s wrong or think I’m angry about something when I’m not. I didn’t have to worry about my choice of clothing while working in my home. People didn’t crowd me in the grocery store. I didn’t have to worry about my natural hair at home vs. when I have to go into the office. I was able to blend in with everyone while wearing a mask. Now that Coronavirus or COVID-19 is decreasing, the joy of working from home and wearing a mask is coming to an end.
Physically being in the office is stressful as an African-American in a white majority environment. In addition to the commute which was physically draining, I constantly worried about my physical appearance and how others may perceive it. Going back to the office means I have to worry about my hair, my clothes, and my face. I have to keep a blank face unless I’m smiling to avoid intimidating others. It is a constant worry about how others perceive me. Unfortunately, I don’t believe they care about what perception I or any other race has of them regardless of our roles. The stress is mostly at work, but also in my community as one of the few blacks. During the pandemic, no one breathed down my back at the bank or at the check-out line. I didn’t feel as though I was watched so much because everyone was wearing a mask.
As we’re being called back to the office more, I will miss the social distancing and the mask wearing portion of ‘rona. I will also miss the additional time I had to spend with family. During the pandemic, my body felt more relaxed and I slept better. Of course, there is a push to remove the mask and return to pre-pandemic life. However, I will still wear the mask as much as possible. Eventually, I will have to remove the mask for good and go back to hiding my true face.